Monday, June 17, 2013

ANGST by Victoria Sawyer BLOG TOUR + Giveaway

Follow the tour

Review copy provided in exchange for
honest review.
***Recommended for ages 17+ for adult themes and frequent use of harsh language.

There are two things I want out of my freshman year of college: to hook up with confusing hottie Jared and to chug some beer as soon as possible.

Getting wasted is like purely medicinal freedom. I murder my secret and constant soul sucking fear and tense nervous body beneath 17 glorious shots of pseudo-sanity. And destroying self-conscious crazy me reveals a sexy confident stranger who likes to try wild new things.

Then there’s the Jared complication, the guy with the Halloween costume that features his ripped and naked chest. It’s an attraction I can’t deny. Too bad I can’t understand what he wants because half the time we’re making out on the dance floor and the other half we’re screaming at each other about whether or not I’m a party slut.

And as the year party-crashes to an end, my drunk-scapades and severe panic attacks want me to pay up, big time. What little sanity I started out with is clinging by a thin thread and when that thread snaps, I’m lying on the cold basement floor of my parents’ house, a loaded hand gun kissing my hot tear streaked forehead.

As I’m craving the freedom and soothing blackness of death, he calls and I open up like a fire hose of self-hating hot mess. After we hang up, I make a choice.

I am absolutely amazed by what the author has done through this book. I could feel how Victoria felt. The author made all those feelings of panic and anxiety come to life for me. The majority of my family suffers from anxiety; I’m the lucky one who has only experienced the feeling on very rare occasions and certainly never even close to what Victoria experiences every day. It was very clear that the author had a deep understanding of panic, anxiety and depression, and all of these have been topics that fascinate me.

Having only experienced heightened anxiety on a few rare occasions, I could not begin to imagine what it was like living that way on a day to day basis until reading ANGST. Being inside Victoria’s head was incredibly eye opening. The reader gets to experience just how overwhelming those feelings of panic and anxiety are for someone with this type of disorder, and I could literally see how it slowly completely took over her life. It’s heartbreaking to read, and sadly people often do not take this type of disorder seriously which results in the sufferer feeling ostracized, alone and well… crazy as Victoria feels.

What I really loved was the role Jared played. I do not want to give away anything so I will just say that even though at times I wanted to absolutely kill him, he is an incredible character who will capture your heart in the end.

There was one minor issue I had with the structure of the book and that was the chronology. For the most part the book does not take place in chronological order, which works really well for the story. I just had difficulty placing events in order in my mind because I could not look back at the chapter list easily in the digital format. This it totally a personal preference. Each chapter did a pretty good job of explaining where the story was chronologically, and the chapters from her childhood were easily placed. I just got a little confused at times when Victoria was telling the story closer to the present. Do not get me wrong, the structure works really for the book and Victoria’s story, I just got a little lost in the timeline a few times.

Overall, I would definitely recommend this book to those of you who enjoy the psychological aspect of a book. This story is more about what’s in Victoria’s head than what is happening around her. It has a love story element, but the focus is Victoria and her inner turmoil. It’s a fascinating read! 

One thing Victoria finds comfort in throughout the novel is writing, both in her journal and writing poetry for one of her classes. The author has provided Living Fictitiously with a special poem.

Empty Physical Promises

So many empty physical promises.  I want to think that eventually I’ll feel something real and it will mean something.  That someone will want to be with me, for me.

Again my high hopes are dashed into a million tiny pieces.  That’s my life. 

To feel so much, I cannot express
To want this much is to be crazy
And said it cannot be
Understood it would not be and alone
Forever, especially today

Today you’d have me physically
Tomorrow not at all
You can have me and here I am, all of me
But you’re not interested
And once you’ve won my game
You’ll play no more
So I won’t let you win
It’s not a game to me
I’ll not be a prize you’ll throw away

Somehow I’m not good enough
I never am
I’m ruining myself slowly
Destruction not far behind

No one takes pride in the way I look tonight
No one says “that’s my girl, isn’t she fantastic”


How do I become worthy of you?
Starve myself to death, workout every day?

Or is the fault in what I was born with?

I’m sorry

How many times to be sorry
How many times to apologize because I’m not enough

But that’s okay because I’ve never been good enough for you
"Passionate about writing, graphic design, creativity. Fueled by the light and dark. Beauty, color, euphoria, artistic frenzy, depression, panic, anxiety."

What you see on the outside is not what you get on the inside. On the outside, Victoria Sawyer is polished, confident, put together, but on the inside things are a bit different. She's creative, thoughts whirling, anxious, alternately depressed and happy or self-critical and confident, energetic, charismatic, cranky and panicked.

She has suffered from panic attacks, anxiety and depression since the age of 10 and has been writing for just about as long. Her love of writing started as journal entries as therapy and eventually morphed into a melding of fact and fiction. Sometimes writing drives her to drink or drinking drives her to write or sometimes it's depression, anger, mental illness or love.

Angst is a story she has always wanted to tell, a fiction retelling of her own struggles as a college freshman. Her goal is to be completely honest about mental illness and life's struggles and to reduce the stigma of mental disorders. She hopes to follow up with a second book featuring Victoria in the future. For more Wicked Victoria, visit her blog.


a Rafflecopter giveaway

1 comment: