Friday, January 20, 2012

Something Special... to me

(To skip my blab, scroll down to the verse story, bolded in lavender ;)

I love making new friends. Love it as much as reading. Friends are important to have in life, whether they are physical or cyber. I quickly developed a friendship with the fabulous and entertaining Melissa “Missy” or “Lavender Girl” Mitchell through twitter (#TeamKilt). You can follow her on twitter under the alias’ of @xolavendergirl and @3fixedhearts and stalk/join her blog at

Purpose Kim, purpose. So, the reason for this post is I had the opportunity to read Missy’s manuscript of her current work in progress, Lavender Boys. It was a refreshing story and different from what I normally read. It had a great story line and a load of emotion in it. It was real. It was sad. It was fun. I laughed. I got excited. I cried- tears of joy, tears of sadness. Some parts made me mad and I kicked my husband in the shin --> kidding. To find out more about Lavender Boys, click on the link above to Missy’s blog. Be on the look out for this soon-to-be published author.

ANYWAYS, get to the purpose Kim! I fell in love with one of Missy’s character’s. ADAM. Oh ADAM. I professed my love to Missy sooo much about him, that she wrote me a verse story and she… and she made me one of the character’s- SQUUUUUEEEE! I’ve posted it in the past, but it was incomplete. Here is the finished version. The title of it is Letting Go. And it’s amazing and I. CAN’T. STOP. READING. IT. It makes me smile so big… like off the chart BIG! I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. Enough of my blab… READ ON!!

Letting Go by Melissa Mitchell

I like girls.
But I also like football.
And tacos.
And a lot of other things.
So that’s not saying much.

That is what’s weird.
About last night.
The girl.
She sat over there.
At that other table.
Me, DeShawn and Beckett sat here.
Eating more than you would ever guess.
Because we are teenage boys.
And we just finished football practice.

The girl’s tray was empty.
Yes, I noticed.
She looked at me.
Three times. Our eyes met.
God, she was cute.
Not from Lake.
A different school for sure.

Opportunity missed.

Mason’s party.
Insane as usual.
Brynna McKay.
My best friend. All my life.
The girl of my dreams.
There she is.
Kissing the boy of her dreams. Beckett.
Where’s the keg?
Drown in my sorrow.
Pump, pump, pump.
More beer.
Because red plastic cup is empty.

Can you fill mine? A girl says.
I look up? Same eyes.
Eyes so dark I could get lost. Dark blue like deep ocean water.
Empty tray girl.
God, even cuter close up.
Hey, it’s you, I say.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I am me, she says.
She is funny.
No, it’s you from Lou’s – the hamburger place.
Wednesday night. Right? I ask.
I hope.
Her cheeks warm.
Thoughts run through my mind as I look her up and down.
Kim, she says.
Her cup. Under the spigot.
Adam, I say.
Empty cup fills.
Empty heart fills. A little.
Brynna who?

Hours pass.
She sits next to me.
Shoulders touch now.
Fingers brush.
Smiles exchanged.
She flirts. I reciprocate.
Her eyes look left.
My eyes look right.

Time to go.
She stands. Curfew.
I stand.
Across the room.
Brynna’s smile.
Brynna’s laugh.
Our past.
My heart.

In front of me.
Kim’s eyes.
Kim’s smile.
My hand brushes her arm.
Her hand touches mine.
I feel it. Everywhere.
Her fingers clasp mine.
She bites her lip.
My shoes kick into each other.

My hand pulls hers towards the door.
Outside, she points to her car.
Her friends giggle and follow.
She gives them a look.
It says wait over there.
And they do.
Stop at her car.
She opens my hand.
Places paper in my hand.
Closes my hand.

Her eyes.
Careful. Excited. Nervous?
No…Excited. Yes.
Look down. Then up. Then past.
Across the parking lot.
Beckett’s car.
In front of me - beautiful thoughtful blue eyes.
New eyes. Fresh eyes.
Eyes with history – her history.
Unknown history.
To be explored kind of history.

She talks.
I listen.
But look past her.
I’ve never kissed Brynna.
Brynna has beautiful lips.
I have longed to kiss Brynna’s lips.
I will never kiss Brynna’s lips.

Eyes back down on her lips.
Kim’s lips. Her tongue slides across them.
Don’t you agree? She asks.
Huh? I don’t know. I didn’t listen.
Don’t answer.

Hands reach up. Cup her face.
Hear her breath.
She draws it in.
Ready. Anticipation.
She’s not Brynna.
Head please stop.
Heart please stop.

Kensington! Stop. Look at her.
Kim looks at me. Eyes soften.
Her hands move around my waist.
She feels good.
On her tiptoes now.

Do it. Now.
Lean down. Closer. Closer. Closer.
Eyes close. Lips brush. Once. Twice. Soft. Feathers.
Pull back. Eyes open.
Her innocence – her smile.
Hi, she whispers.

Lean again. Eyes close. Lips touch.
Kiss. Good kiss.
Her arms. Pulling me closer.
Tongues dart back and forth.
Her mouth. My mouth.
Puzzle pieces. They fit.
I draw her close. We. Fit.

Let go.  
Her smile is telling.
She likes me.

…I like her.
For once.
…I like the girl.
The girl who is not Brynna.

One last kiss before goodbye.
She obliges.
Her kiss.
Familiar. Comfortable.
Like warm cocoa. On a cold Sunday morning.

Kim. Kimberly.

I like her.
Will you call me? She asks hopefully.
Yes, I answer truthfully.
Open door for her.
Help her into car.
She rolls window down.
I lean in.
A notebook sits on the passenger seat.
A notebook covered in lavender hearts.
                              Lavender. Brynna’s favorite color.
My heart jumps.
Kim’s hand touches mine.
My heart tethers.

Okay. Oh, your number? I ask.
You have it. She smiles.
The paper. From earlier.
My hand dives in my pocket .
Paper is safe.

I stand. Step away from car.
Tail lights disappear into the night.
Across parking lot,
Brynna holds Beckett’s hand.
He opens car door. She gets in.
Close eyes. Deep breath. Open eyes.
                              Watch their kiss goodbye.

Reach into pocket.
Retrieve paper.

I don’t drink coffee.
Hot chocolate?
Sunday morning?
Xo Kimberly Callegan. And her number.

Smile. Phone. Call.
Hi. Yes. Sunday morning, I say.
See you then, she says.
A date.
With a girl,
who is not Brynna.

She’s cute, I say.
My confession.
He is relieved.
Finally, he thinks.  
He is rid of me.
So, you like her? Beckett asks.

I explain.
It’s just hot chocolate.
I will pick her up.
We will share hot chocolate.
We will talk.
I will take her home.
She is not Brynna.
He notices.

So. You like her? He asks again.
Yes. I answer.
Cool, he says.

Our silence is a charade.

                              She is not Brynna.
                              He knows.

Father. Shake hands.
Mother. Shake hands.
She is not Brynna.
Look up.
She. Is. Not. Brynna.
This is good.
Beauty. In front of me.
She blushes. I wave.
Wave? Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

Open car door. Close car door.
Yes! She’s hot.
Hi, she says.
Hi, I say.
I’m glad you called, she says.
Me, too, I say.
Her smile is timid.
It is not Brynna’s smile.
But I like it.

She nods. Heater on. Car warms.
Jacket comes off.
Shirt is lavender. With sparkles.
I like your shirt. Voice cracks.
Thank you, she says.
Her favorite color.
                        Brynna’s, too.

Coffee shop. Crowd.
Carry tray.
Too many people.
No tables.
Somewhere else? I ask.
Yes, she says.
Get in car.
Drive to lakeshore. Park. Music.
Snow drifts down over lake.

Knees brush together.
Hands touch.
Eyes exchange. Unsaid words.
Move closer.
Move closer.
She is not Brynna.

My arm moves behind her.
Hand brushes her hair. Her soft hair.
Her dark, dark eyes look down.
Her dark, dark eyes look up.
I swallow.
Should I?
Too soon?
I want to.

I should go, she says.
Yes, too soon. She answered the question.
Agree. Take tray.
Open door. Find trash can.
Back in car.
It’s so cold out there, I say.
Rub hands together.
Her hands touch mine.
Look down.
Look up.

Closer. Closer. Closer.
Eyes close.
Lips touch.
Heart beats.
Lips touch.
Eyes open. Look at her. She looks at me.
We should go, I say.
We should go or I will kiss her again.
She nods. She smiles.

Begin to drive. Hold her hand.
It is not Brynna’s hand.
And that is good.

In her driveway.
Time for goodbye.
Her hand reaches for door handle.
Wait, I say.
Her hand stops.
Can we? I stop.
She looks.
I had fun, I say.
Me, too, she says.
I get out. I open her door. I take her hand.

Doorstep. She looks up.
Dark, dark blue eyes.
Profundity. Complexity.
Hands behind my head.
Hands around her waist.
She rises up.
I lean down.
Eyes close. Heart beats.
Lips touch. Once more.

I’ll say yes, she says.
My eyes question.
If you ask me again.
I laugh.
I ask.
She says yes. As promised.
My lips. Her…cheek.

Dial phone.
She answers.
She asks. How was it?
I answer. Good. Really good.
She wonders. Do you…
like her?
Do you?
Heart beats.
Heart aches.
Smile forms.
Yes, Brynna, I like her, I say.

Water runs.
Over head.
Down back.
Thoughts of her.
Thoughts of both.

People talk.
They look at me.
They expect answers.
I have none.
Who is it?
How was it?
Where did you go?
What did you do?
What’s she like?

Sugar n’ Spice. For Hot chocolate.
Then to lakeshore.
Talked. Nothing much.
                        (Not Brynna.)
Nice. Funny. Cute.

Across the table,
she sits. She stares.
Not at me.
But past me.
In my life. In my words. In my heart.
She can love.
Not I, apparently.

She isn’t happy.
Doorbell rings.
She answers door.
She returns.
Her boyfriend is here now.

Cast aside.
Just like that.
One ring of the doorbell.
One kiss they share.
I’ve been replaced.
I’ve been displaced.
Time to go.
Say the goodbyes.

Sits next to me.
In my car.
She smells like coconut.
                        Not lavender.
My hand.
Takes hers.
She smiles.

Where should we start? I ask.
The big ones, she says.

Six roller coasters.
One log ride.
Three spinning rides.
One haunted house.
Metal milk bottles. Knocked off table.
Giant stuffed panda bear prize.
One guy.
Trying to be romantic.
One very happy date.

The sun is low. The sky is pink.
What next? I ask.
She points.
She blushes.
She knows.
Ferris wheels are good for one thing.

Ferris wheel.
Hearts beat.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Eyes nervous.
We know what’s coming.
A kiss.
THE kiss.

My hands hold her face.
                        Not Brynna’s.

Lips touch.
Like wings of a butterfly.
Her hands.
Twist through my hair.
She says.
I say.
She pulls me close.
I pull her closer.
                        She is not Brynna.
                        I’m glad.

The Ferris wheel goes around.
Her head.
On my shoulder.
My arms around her.
Deep breath.
Here we go.
Brynna. Kim.
Kim. Brynna.
Double date? This is not.
It is dinner. At the house.
Beckett is happy. He sees.
Girl likes me.
He is rid of me. The sidekick.
Without lies. I feel the same.

Girls sit. Girls talk. Girls share.
Boys sit. Boys watch sports.
Look up. Kim is watching me.
I smile. Kim smiles.
                        Brynna sees it.
                        Brynna smiles.
                        Her beautiful smile.
                        The smile I love.
                        The smile I have loved.
                        For thirteen years.
                        Heart breaks. Again.

Come here, I say.
Kim moves next to me.
My arms wrap around her.
She reciprocates.
She whispers.
I laugh. I hug. I kiss.
                        Brynna watches.
                        And I know.
He watches...
                        Brynna watch.
Dinner is over.
Walk? I ask.
Yes, she says.
                        So does Brynna.
He agrees.
Outside. In the woods.
Holding Kim’s hand.
It is nice. I like it.
                        He holds Brynna’s hand.
                        I don’t like it.
Pull her aside.
Warm kisses.
Nice kisses.
Big kisses.
Kim kisses.
                        Brynna stops.
                        Because Brynna sees.
                        So I stop. Kissing.
                        Brynna runs.
So I run.
After Brynna.

Turn around.
Please. Turn. Around.
Watch HER run.
Please. Turn. A. Round.

I stop.
I don’t turn around.
Not yet.
Touches mine.
Kim’s hand is in mine.

Go to her. Talk to her. I’ll wait, she says.
I’m sorry, I say.
Don’t be, she says.
She pulls me by the hand.
Towards the house.
To talk to the other girl.
He…hasn’t moved.
Beckett. Is stunned.

I pace. Back and forth.
In her room.
Kissed her, she says.
I know, I say.
So what? I say.
But you kissed her, she says.
As if I didn’t hear her the first time.

On her face.
Because of me?

What does she want from me?
Not me.
Just me.
How do I do that?
Be hers. Without being hers.
Love her. Without loving her.

Do not hold her.
Do. Not. Hold. Her.
Arms open. Arms close.
This embrace. It is different.
It means something more.
I feel panic. In her arms.
She is grasping. Holding on.
I am letting go.
And she knows.

I can’t be that guy, I say.
And now I know, I say.

I, I say.
She looks up.
I, I say.
I, I say.

I love you, she says

I leave her. Alone in her bedroom.
Because she doesn’t love me.
And I know it.

Shut the door. Lock it.
Now breathe.
Breathe in. Breathe out.

Fairy tale ending.
Go get her. Kiss her. Love her.
Waited my whole life for this.
Stare in mirror.
At myself.
What. Do. YOU. Want?
Tears building.

Go after it.
The happily ever after.
Open door.
Eleven steps to her door.
She sits. On her bed. Alone.
She looks up.
Wet eyes. Sad eyes. Confused eyes.

Hold out hand.
She takes it. She stands.
I hug. Hard.
Harder than ever before.
I will never leave you, I say.
Promise me, she cries.

Now do it.

But, I say.
She pulls back.
She looks.
Tears track.
Wipe hers. Then mine.

Lead her out. Down the stairs.
Into living room.
Beckett stands. Worried. His face shows.
Who will she choose? He wonders.
She already chose.
She just doesn’t know yet.
But I do.

Standing. In front of both.
Before more tears.
Take her hand.
Take his hand.
Place hers. In…
Because it is right.

Half-hearted smile.
Half-broken, half-fixed heart.
Now find her.
Waiting in kitchen. Talking to parents.
Big, beautiful, welcoming smile.
The smile I need.
The smile I want.

Let’s go, I say.
Okay, she says.
I take her hand.
Kimberly’s hand.
And I like it.


What’s wrong? She asks.
I just…
Need a hug, I say.

And she hugs me.


Amazing. Beautiful. Fantastic. Miraculous. I LOVE ADAM.
Leave a comment and gush over Letting Go.


  1. It was fun to write. The Ferris wheel. Love them for kisses.

  2. Puzzle pieces... the fit. My favorite.

  3. I love THIS. <3 Adam

    I can't wait until I can visit both of your signings and say "I know those amazing ladies!" :)

  4. *sniff* *sniff* I loved it. The ending made me happy.

  5. I think that WOW sums it up. Brilliant!

  6. Thanks for the comments. Lavender Writer is pretty amazing! ;)